An issue came up with work that made me realize that I think very negatively. If I was going to tell a lovely lady how great of guy I am(in theory), I precede the flattering stuff with negative stuff to temper expectations. As I think through my next steps with the customer, I start to think about how my comments, actions, and general energy. I realize that I beat myself a lot.
I'm sure that everyone goes through the negative stints. I'm not trying make my life seem awful, because it's not. I have this friend. A female. We were discussing romance and accessing each other. She made an interest and perplexing, which I thought at the time, observation about me. She asked me,"Are you a masochist?" The answer to that question remains the same(NO!). The idea baffled me. Now that I get it, I'm thinking about how I think about things. It's not just romance and all that mushy stuff. Bleh! and Eh! This isn't The Notebook.
A week or so ago, there was this Facebook trend among my "Facebook friends" going(I'm so McKeesport...). Generally, I would have been one of those people ignoring it or saying"WTF" to it. Surprisingly, I got my few posts in the mix. Anyone who knows about the area knows how tough and depressing the area has become. Some McKeesport natives even had their "I'm so NOT McKeesport" quips in. For once, I wasn't thinking about the abandoned houses and gunfire rather than summer lunches and the old hangout spots. Good times.
For once, I was able to take a step back an appreciate actual good times in "Da Hood". I realize how great my people(friends and family) are. I actually recognize the love and support even when people are yelling at each other. We support each other.
So with being said, I need to make a promise to myself. No more negativity. No more trying to couch good days, smiles, and general happy moments or expectations.